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(Odd boinging and pinging noises seemingly coming from the computers and scanners resound across the bridge.) Captain Mandy Ison, (By-the-book Starfleet officer, human), First Officer Brian Cook (A human from Risa and seemingly from an earlier age that looks and sounds curiously like Sean Connery, that has added certain piratical accents to his uniform and person), Chief Science Officer Marya Ba´Shran (a hybrid of Orion Dancing Girl and Andorian/Aenar that has light aquamarine skin, articulate antennae, eyes that are almost entirely white and long dark naturally curly hair held back by a headband with flashing white LED lights that seemingly has single-handedly reinstated the retro-Starfleet mini-skirt and black boots look), a navigator and the communications officer are the only other personnel on the bridge. (The planet Uranus fills the viewscreen.)
Capt. Ison: "Navigation report, Mr. Feldman."
Feldman: "We are entering into orbit of the planet Uranus, Captain."
Cook (looking meaningfully at Capt. Ison): "Knew sooner or later we´d end up at Uranus."
Captain Ison: "MISTER Cook. One more comment like that and I´m going to have Lt. Ba´Shran escort you to the brig!"
Cook (turns to look at Marya who raises an eyebrow at him, obviously she is ready to back up what the Captain has just said, which only amuses Cook. He turns back to address the Captain):
"Hmmmnn... Is that a threat or a promise?"
Capt. Ison: "A PROMISE. Now control yourself or we will."
(This time, Marya gets up from her chair to face Cook.)
Cook (Glances sideways at Marya then says to the Capt., purring): "Once again, I fail to see the downside of your proposal."
(Capt. Ison slaps Cook)
Cook (eyes flashing): "I´m not sure I deserved that."
(Capt. Ison turns sharply to Cook and begins to say something further but is immediately cut off by a loud WHOOP! from Lt. Ba´Shran´s console. The Lieutenant turns back to her station and takes a quick reading.)
Ba´Shran: "Captain!! There is a massive energy influx from the planet heading straight for the ship!!"
Capt. Ison: "Evasive maneuvers, Mr. Feldman!"
Feldman (punches buttons frantically on his console to no avail.): "The controls are frozen, Captain! We´re stuck!"
(Suddenly the bridge crew hear laughter as if it is coming through the ship´s general address system, then a very familiar voice says, "Or what rhymes with it..."
(**FLASH!!** and Q is standing in front of the viewscreen juxtaposed with the view of Uranus. He is wearing casual clothing consisting of black slacks and a smoking jacket - curiously similar to what Hugh Hefner´ might wear, sans pipe. His arms are held wide open in greeting.)
Q (addressing Capt. Ison): "Bonjour, mon Capitane!!"
Cook: "Ooh the bloody 'ell are you!!"
Capt. Ison: Q!!
Q: "Q-uite!! We are The Q. And we´re here to tell you you are trespassing."
Capt. Ison: "Trespassing? Uranus belongs to the Federation."
Q (raises an eyebrow): "We beg to differ. This planet is an outpost of sorts for the Q Continuum. We made it, therefore it is ours... Which doesn´t mean that you can´t visit Uranus every now and again. (He smiles to himself) Actually, we hope you do.
Cook (smiling): "Ahh, a gentleman after my own heart!!"
Capt. Ison (warningly): "Cook, can it! Mr. Tweedy, notify the Federation that the Q have overtaken Uranus."
Q: "Oh, this should be good."
Tweedy (announcing the message into the board): "Starbase 12! Come in, Starbase 12! EMERGENCY!! The Q are on Uranus!! Repeat...The Q are on Uranus!!"
Q just stands there, smiling, and obviously trying not to laugh.
Lt. Ba´Shran gets up from her post and walks closer to Q. "I´m sorry. We haven´t been properly introduced. My name is Lt. Marya Ba´Shran. I´m the Chief Science Officer aboard the Athena and I´m in charge of probing Uranus for anomalies." She cozies up to Q, using all her natural Orion charm. "Do you know of any anomalies I should be aware of off...hand?"
(Capt. Ison looks quite content to let Marya work her magic with Q while the message is going out to the Federation.)
Q is now looking perplexed. "Okay. What´s the deal? You people ARE from the Federation.." (He looks down at Marya) "Aren´t you?"
Lt. Ba´Shran (running an idle finger up and down the sleeve of Q´s jacket):
"Mmmmm... THAT is a matter of some debate."
Q: "Who ARE you people??!"
(Suddenly Cook and Ba´Shran come alive and yell in unison) "ROLL CALL!!" (Then they both charge into the turbolift and disappear)
Capt. Ison: "Tweedy! Track Lt. Ba´Shran and First Officer Cook. Where are they going?!"
Tweedy: "Hmmm... It looks like they´re on their way to Risa!"
Capt. Ison (under her breath): "Assholes."
Q: "Ahh... Fellow denizens! Like we said... You can come and visit but we don´t suggest you live here. Too many Ass-ass-ins... Not a very nice place to live unless one happens to be immortal. Anyway, if you don´t mind, Captain, we shall now take our leave, you obviously have enough to deal with without our help... TA!!" **FLASH!!** and Q is gone.
Capt. Ison: "Tweedy. Tell First Officer Cook that if he and Lt. Ba´shran don´t get back here THIS minute I´m going to court-martial them both!"
(Tweedy sends the message and in a moment gets Cook´s reply)
Tweedy: "Captain, First Officer Cook says, and I quote, "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, Might as well face it dearie, I´m just a..." (Tweedy looks pained.)
Captain Ison: "What?"
Tweedy: "...bum."
(Capt. Ison slaps her forehead in frustration. Finis.) | 